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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.