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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!