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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!