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Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.