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It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.