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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.