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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.