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First fart at my new job.
This status update is only available in English.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)