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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.