Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.