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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.