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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Iām late for a disappointment.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
Real friends show me their boobs
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.
Iām having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!