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It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.