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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!