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It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.