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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.