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Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.