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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Is food porn star a thing yet??
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.