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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"