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Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.