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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."
I play hard to get along with.