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Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.