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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.