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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
When in doubt, take a nap.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.