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Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.