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Smooth move.........ExLax
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.