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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye