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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Check this one out.........1
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.