Daily Silly Status

Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?

I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.

It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....

Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.

If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,

When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.

That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.

Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.

You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.

I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!

Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.

Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.

I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.