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A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!