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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.