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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?