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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"