Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.