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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.