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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!