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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.