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I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Trust me, I am a liar.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.