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Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
With great power comes great electricity bill.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!