Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."