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Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.