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Iām sorry Iām late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.