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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.