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never be afraid to wipe twice
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Sometimes when Iām feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.