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Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.