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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.