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All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.