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FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.