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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.