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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.