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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.