Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.