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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.