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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.