Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?