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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.