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RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep