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If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.