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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”