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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."