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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?