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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.