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I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.