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You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.