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I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
If the shoe fits, buy it.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.