Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"