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Iām not drunk, Iām just exhausted from drinking all night.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball