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I saw that! - Karma
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.