Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."