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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.