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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...