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Which wine goes best with more wine?
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.