Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that Iām still not a real adult.